GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
