this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
we should paint friendship bongs
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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