We're like a lot better than the average bears
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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