I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I need to calm my uterus...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
