As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Be still, my beating vagina.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
How external is "for external use only"?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
