I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
