Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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