I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This is the high leading the old right now
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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