Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Randomize
