definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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