This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
