I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
