You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
