oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
