It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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