I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
