Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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