Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
