Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
