a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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