yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
