im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
