had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i drank out of a bidet.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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