you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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