The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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