I've blown a few things in my day
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
