the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
