I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
