A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
