I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Blow job season was short but glorious.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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