I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
