i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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