Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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