I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I think my fart just growled at me.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
