Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
