Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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