I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
