the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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