Having a random hookup so left but love u
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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