i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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