New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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