Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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