all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
