I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
