"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize