Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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