i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
