you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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