Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
