i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
