I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
